TUESDAY- Pathway between Page and Oak

The Sasquatch has discovered a disturbing truth this Tuesday: the pathway between Page and Oak campuses feels disrespected by both students and staff. With the extensive work carried out during MOU this year, the Urban administration is reportedly shocked that anyone on campus is coming out with a distinct feeling of being “othered.”

“Like, yeah, sure, I belong,” The Pathway told our reporter on Tuesday morning. “It’s hard not to belong when you connect the two most important parts of the school: Kristina’s desk and the better Flik meals.” (Review of the footage has revealed Unnamed Urban administrative members standing in the corner threateningly holding plans for more construction.)

The Sasquatch, however, has received information to the contrary. Several students have reported, upon opening the gate to the Pathway, they’ve heard remarks one can only assume were made by the pathway itself. Cries of “How about a Thank You?” were heard emanating from the floor as they entered the Oak campus. A ninth grader reported hearing a low gurgle upon opening the Page gate, followed by a “bet I could eat one of them kids and no one would notice”.

While the central North-South pathway receives unwanted amounts of foot traffic before class, in passing periods, and after school, the West Pathway saw us interviewing the East one and demanded we include “all perspectives” in this article. Editor’s note: journalistic integrity our ass.

“It’s all that guy cares about. How much pavement-slapping attention he gets.” When asked to elaborate, the walkway proceeded to light a cigarette by striking a match against itself and look mysteriously into the distance. “It’s not that I’m lonely,” the West path later confirmed. “It’s that I find myself daydreaming about getting a Flik plate spilled on me just so I could be cleaned, y’know? How hard can it be to back a lunchline up in here every once and a while?”

Later, we stationed reporters at the junction where the two pathways meet and heard whisper-shouting from the ground about who gets to get the next Student Center coffee spilled in the middle– there seemed to be much debate about whether the East or West pathway deserved to keep the empty cup afterwards.

Page Street, which opens to either of them, gave us a wise promenade’s opinion. “Talk to me when you have to deal with Tesla parents”